It's Only Words

The other day when I spoke to Liz on the phone I realized I had a bit of a bad attitude. I also realized it matched up to day 11 of my previous chemo cycle when I spouted off at Bob about us running out of things to say and blah blah blah.

Well, as it turned out the next day things went back to our comfy normal and I realized we still have stuff to say.

This morning in an email to Lori I wrote that I realize that Bob just doesn't have it in him after all these years to constantly feed my need for hearing lovely words. Instead he shows me daily in all the little things he does for me without complaint or eyerolling. I wrote that I know he loves me deeply, and I know I am needy from time to time. I have to dig deep inside of me and know that all those things I want to hear from him are being said to me in a silent whisper in every little thing he does for me. I am sure there are millions of women out there wanting to hear the things I want to hear and missing that they are being said in the day to day actions of the ones they love. I realize that means more to me than words What do you think?







We are all in different stages and we all have different desires and hopes for our relationships with our honeys. Do you guys ever think about this kind of stuff or does it seem like I dwell on it a bit much?

Just Checking In

I just caught up on the blogs and comments. I was going to comment on a few, but after my last episode of commenting and losing it all I decided to just comment by blogging.


I am feeling puny today for some reason. It started last night and I went to bed at 8:30 and didn't wake up until 6:30. I would have thought I should have slept off whatever it was, but the puniness still lingers. Normally I go to Mass and take Communion to folks today, but I went back to bed for a couple more hours. Finally I got up showered and am at least looking better I think, but then the mirror lies. Sometimes when I look into it an 80 year old woman that sure resembles Mom is looking back at me - especially if I look when my teeth are soaking in their solution. Can that be right?? Anyway, I just wanted to whine a wee bit. If I would whine to Earl he would simply tell me to go to the doctor. So compassionate. What I would really like to hear is "Oh darling, I am sorry. I won't play golf today and stay with you. What can I do to make you feel better? Rub your feet? Make you chicken soup? Clean the house?" Right...that will happen!! Not that I would want it to happen except maybe clean the house and rub my feet, although my feet don't hurt.


Lizzie, there is way too much snow growing on your deck. Our snow is gone now and the sun is shining, but not extremely warm. Might be up to 60 this weekend though.


As far as the eye thing and vitreous stuff the same thing happened to me. Now I have a floater in my right eye that looks like a big fly that occasionally I can see when I look as something that is white or in the sunshine. I heard the same thing about the age...blah, blah, blah, but when you start seeing flashes of light or prisms you should go right away. I did have a torn retina one time when that happened and had to have laser surgery to repair it. Some of this stuff that comes with "age" is challenging to deal with.

Like you Susie, I don't know what I would do about the sister in Mexico, but somehow I can't see any of you doing anything you would have to flee from the law. And.....if I was sent to prison I would enjoy meeting all those tough women and learning their stories. LOL...not really, but that is what you would all expect of me, isn't it?


By the way, can anyone else read our blogs...like strangers? I definitely don't want Earl reading them, but I am not so sure about other people. Could Gordon or someone else just look up our names and read the blogs or would they have to know the name of our blog?

I don't watch American Idol or the Biggest Loser. I have seen both a couple times. I am becoming a candidate of the Biggest Loser. Today is Ash Wednesday and for Lent I am going to try to give up eating between meals and give up the junk food. Of course I might just eat more of the other stuff so watch for me on the Biggest Loser. I think I am too old for that though. I could be a heart attack risk or get a broken hip from stumbling and falling on those runs they do.

I think I will try to make myself do something constructive instead of laying back down. Love you girls

A Sister's Love....... or stupidity. What would you do?

"A Grove City woman accused of lying to investigators about her fugitive sister remained in jail yesterday after waiving a federal-court hearing to challenge her detention."

This is a headline in today's Dispatch. The one sister - a very succussful mortgage banker from Dublin - bilked a whole bunch of people and was sentenced to prison. Then she went missing and is believed to be somewhere in Mexico. She and her sister in GC have been emailing and the GC sister got caught and is in jail. I've been trying to think this through. If I bilked a bunch of people for whatever reason and ran away so I wouldn't have to go to jail and told my sisters, and especially my GC sister, where I am but made them promise not to tell, would I allow Diane to go to jail for me? Maybe there is some deep dark secret only Diane and I know about that would make it disastrous if I went to jail, like.........hmmmm..........like, well maybe the mafia threatened me if I came forward they would take out all my family.....hmmmm . Would I let Diane take the rap? How would I feel if Diane were sitting in jail because of me? Would I come home. In the first place, how could I have left my family, my children and grandchildren, especially my mother (which she has all of these). Is it all about money?

What do you sisters think?

Bellyachin' about snow

Hi sisters - just thought I'd add a note about the love-hate relationship me and snow is having. On one hand, it is so pretty and pure and fluffy and all and then on the other hand it such a pain in the butt! I'm adding a picture of that infamous table on our back porch to show the continual growing of the stuff. I'm afraid it will overtake the entire area and seep under the door and come into the bedroom to get me! I truly hate being this cold and I need some really hot weather right now. HOT!

On another note, I've been having weird things happening with my eyes and, honestly, it was freaking me out! Yesterday I could hardly focus on anything - all these prism-type things and blurriness, accompanied by bunches of floaters. So today I called the doc and they had me come right in - that in itself was scary (not scarry). Anyway, for the most part, the vitreous is pulling away from ..... something - retina, maybe which happens to be a natural occurrence when, as the doc who looks like she might be 13 says something like..... 'when women your age....blah, blah, blah.....Anyway, it's a natural happening that begins at about age 15 where this big jello-like blob starts pulling away and when it does causes these particles to float around and can cause tears. They checked everything out thoroughly and see no real harm. I'm just an overachiever in the pulling away area, I guess. It did scare (and scar) me though. As it turned out, I'm just fine and I'm happy about that.

Well, it's almost time for me to watch Biggest Loser and American Idol - frantically switch back and forth from one to the other. Well, not really. I'm pretty bored with all the drama of Biggest Loser - those losers. I just like to watch when they get on the scale. Sadistic, right?! I love AI now that Ellen is on there. She just cracks me up. I think as our next Sisters trip we should go to her show - whatdayathink?

I'm all used up for today - signing off for now.

Lizzie, The Searcher.

Journals, Relationships, Falling Down and such

You girls have filled this deteriorating brain to the max with all these thoughts, poems, etc. Reading your words help me feel a part of your lives when you are so far away. Sometimes I lament about being almost 700 miles away and think - if I was in Ohio....but if I was would I be doing anything differently? I would be involved in the activities I enjoy, you all would be involved with working and your grandchildren and we would most likely just call one another like we do now and sharing our innermost thoughts on the blog. Saying our thoughts out loud somehow seem more frightening than writing them. Does that make sense?

Journals - yes, I have been writing in my journals for at least 45 years, but.....i threw all of them away, except the past couple years. Actually, they were for my eyes only. I read some snippets before throwing them away. That is all I could bear to read about "poor" me in many of the pages. If I was struck by lightning, hit by a bus (we don't have buses) or was visited by some other calamity I would not want my family to read the diatribe that I wasted good ink on. I have progressed beyond that self pity (most of the time) and horrible things I wrote about people, and yes, even my husband. I don't write those things down anymore. I just let them fester and boil in the recesses of my soul and then I put them in my coffee can and bury them in the back yard until the worms crawl in and eat them up. Perhaps it would be healthier to at least write them down, but really, what good would be accomplished by letting some of those ugly thoughts loose. They are better buried in the coffee can.

I think the poem you included is a good model for husband and wife alike. I might print that out and hang it on the refrigerator.

I loved reading about the man that has been keeping a journal since he was a boy. Now, those journals are definitely worth preserving. A wonderful history of his life and the many events that have occurred in his lifetime. I usually journal in the morning, but often I don't remember some of the things that have happened the previous day or am feeling the same way about them after a night of dreams. I am going to try to write at night at least about the people that have come into my life during the day and what effect they had on me and I on them.

And no, I don't want Earl to have access to the blog. If you decide to share the blog with your guys please let me know so I can be on guard. I wouldn't want to do any male bashing and offend your sweet guys. Occasionally if one of you write something funny I will copy just that selection and print it for Earl to read.

Happy Valentine's Day girls. Earl and I hung out together today after I got home from Church and watched NASCAR, bowling and the Olympics interchangeably, if you know what I mean. I was going to cook supper and Earl said he thought it was a good night to go out to the new Chinese restaurant that just opened. Would I say no to that? No. Cooking probably ranks about equally with me as cleaning the toilet. I will do most anything rather than cook. The frozen food department at the commissary is my favorite section. Especially the frozen pizzas and ice cream. No wonder my pants are splitting at the seams.

Well, I fell down again today. The car windows were all frozen up this morning so I had to scrape the ice off before I could go to Church. As I was getting into the car I slipped on some ice in the driveway and bam was on the ground. Diane, I felt like you because I couldn't get up. Those old knees won't work from the down position. I had to turn over and crawl away from the ice so I would have some dry driveway to be able to stand up. It was pretty early so I doubt any neighbors were watching except may Jeanette (the neighbor that hates me for some reason). She was probably laughing her ass off if she caught a glimpse of me flailing around try to get up.

This morning our temperature was the same as yours. What is up with that.

I liked your poem too Lizzie. Very cute. Did you write that?

Some of these thoughts are most likely disjointed, but you will just have to consider the source. I love you each very, very much.

Lori

Journals

First off, I want to ask a question. Does anyone's honey enjoy reading our blog? Just wondering?

I am torn about the journals I have here. I do not want them in the house when I am gone. I don't want anyone to read them. They are not like that nice man's journal. I am afraid to open them myself. I came across a batch of journals I wrote maybe 15 years ago when I was into that. They were when Angie was going through adolescence and teenhood. Ugh!

I was going through my own set of emotionalal gyrations. I wrote feverishly in the middle of the night. One day I will look at them, but I really don't think they will be around for other peering eyes when I am gone.

I do like the idea that man had though. I have started writing snippets of the good things of life in my planner. I have many many wonderful moments to share and pass on. The bad stuff can just dissappear. Who needs that?

Liz, I bet all of that stuff you are coming across of Virginia's must make you feel funny. I don't save a lot of receipts or minutia. But some things I save might leave people scratching their heads and wondering. I too, have my medical records from when I gave birth to Angie, I think. Most of it is organized and boxed up. What the heck do I need to keep that stuff aruond for? I may start going through that stuff and letting it go. How long should a person keep medical records? I never ever go back and look at the EOBs unless it is in the last couple months to document something.

Well, that's all I have to say about this subject for now. But, that old man sure did get me to thinking. And so did you.

Its Winter in Ohio

Got this out of the Dispatch this morning.....John Switzer's column.

It's winter in Ohio
And gentle breezes blow
70 mph at 25 below!
Oh, how I love Ohio
When the snow's up to your butt;
You take a breath of winter air,
And your nose is frozen shut.
Yes, the weather here is wonderful,
I guess I'll hang around.
I could never leave Ohio,
'Cause I'm frozen to the ground.

Journals of a True Life

Oh My is correct on the email you sent of the old dude and all thos journals! Wow, I wish I would have done that. I bet you girls have journals. I have one - only one - that I started to Sarah when she was born and I haven't written in it in so so many years. This motivates me to get back to it.

It's funny that you sent this just now. Again, I've been going through Virginia's crap. Just this morning I went through a small box of miscellaneous 'stuff' that covers years and subjects and it always makes me sad just to throw it away. But, who would want those greeting cards from Jim and Nancy, that family hokey newsletter sent at Christmas from a distant friend going on and on and about Joey and Sally, Grandma and Aunt Bessie and all the things they accomplished and places they went in that particular last year. Then what about those Big Bear receipts - in just a few short years no one will even know that you could have bought groceries at a store with a strange name like Big Bear. There are pictures and obituaries (always finding lots and lots of obituaries - how did some of these people enter her life). There are announcements from the society section of the old newspapers. There are lots of church bulletins and notes from church friends. There are also lots of notes about which bank had the best rates for CDs and what was happening with Ohio "Ma" Bell. There are probably 100 postcards and many of them from Lake Erie - some from a lake in Michigan - always the person is having a great time and wishes the receiver was there. What about those dozens and dozens of pictures of smiling - and some hateful depressed looking - people with no notes on the back to give you the slightest hint of who they were and how did they know Virginia.

Since Virginia died on December 25, 2009 and I started ransacking the boxes and boxes of her life, I have been wondering what people would wonder about me as they go through drawers, old papers, my computer and my one lonely little journal, my medical records from 15+ years ago, my job evaluations and my job application from Crane Plastics where I started as a receptionist making $64.00 a week. Does make me wonder - not that I care since I'll be out of here but............... I'm not really sure what the but is! I don't regret all of my life - just little pieces at little bits of time - certainly nothing major. I've thrown out TONS of my own stuff since December 25 - getting rid of the evidence, I guess! Hahahahaha.
After the above rambling, I'm thinking a journal going forward, with remembrances of the past, might be a noble project.
Thanks for all the nudges, Sisters.

For My Valentine

Funny, being cooped up with someone that you have known and loved for 40 years, you seem to syncronize your movements and become part of the atmosphere. There are moments of touch and go and doubt. After 40 years and an unforgiving snowstorm, can a very much in love couple run out of words to say? That is what I thought a few days ago. I spewed out my thoughts and caught my love off guard. He was speechless. I took his silence as an agreement that he had indeed fallen out of love with me on that very day.

So I left the house to run my errands and I lingered at each stop and enjoyed the civility of the strangers. I watched people intereact, or not. I noticed that many couples out in the real world interact differently than we do. I realized that when I am out in the world with my guy, we are together. We enjoy each other's company. We do exchange ideas and dreams we still want to see come true. Mainly, they involve our family. What we are going to do to help them and what we are going to do to make them always feel welcome at our home.

I stopped at Chipotle, my favorite place in the world besides Jolly Pirate (which I should have stopped there too). I had my Burrito Bowl and a diet soda and read a newsletter from the quilt shop. I savored my food because usually I take it home and it is cold. I am going to do that once a week or more now. MMMMMmmm.

When I went home, the air was full of some kind of sticky funky uncertain static. I expected a big ravaging hug and a long laborious diatribe of sappy love talk. I can't really think of the words I want to express what I was EXPECTING. Imagine my dismay when all of that did not happen as I had thought. So, I busied myself for another hour or so giving this certain someone another chance. Ain't I accomodating?

Anyway, after an hour or so I went in an plopped myself on the couch waiting for the beautiful words to come that would fill my soul with the love of the ages. After a few minutes of Bill O'Reilly, an episode of the Cheaters, and solving a couple mysterious killings on 48 hours, I decided that it was up to me. So I commented on the guy sitting alone in the interrogation room that the detectives were watching through a peephole and wondering what he was doing slumped over in his chair. He was chewing on an electrical cord apparently attempting suicide. For some reason I thought it was hilarious. And I laughed out loud. Then he laughed out loud. Then I realized it was indeed up to me. So I let it all go. I followed his lead and acted as if I had not said all those ridiculous things earlier in the day and that I must have been a mad woman driven to insanity by the ridiculousness of the whole 40 years and a snow storm theory.

Things have been back to normal ever since. It is amazing how much the mood of the house depends on the woman, in my opinion. Is it fair? I don't know. But, at least in my house, that is the way it is. I think that is the way I set it up from day one. I think, and really I am pretty sure, I learned that thing from our own dear mother! Ta Dah!!!!

I was really not going to write anything at all. I was just going to post a poem that I read a couple minutes ago that was in one of the blogs I subscribe to. That was it. Just the poem. A woman said she went to her parents house and the mother had planned a poetry reading. The father had dug up a book his mother gave him when he was eight. Here is the selection and it hit me between the eyes like a ton of bricks or something else just as heavy. I am going to bed now, but here it is. This is for me and my Valentine. Perfect.

ANY WIFE OR HUSBAND
by Carol Haynes
Let us be guests in one another's house
With deferential "No" and courteous "Yes;"
Let us take care to hide our foolish moods
Behind a certain show of cheerfulness.

Let us avoid all sullen silences;
We should find fresh and sprightly things to say;
I must be fearful lest you find me dull,
And you must dread to bore me any way.

Let us knock gently at each other's heart,
Glad of a chance to look within -- and yet
Let us remember that to force one's way
Is the unpardoned breach of etiquette.

So shall I be hostess -- you, the host --
Until all need for entertainment ends;
We shall be lovers when the last door shuts,But better still -- we shall be friends.

Scattered Brain Cells

Ok - my brain is falling apart in little bitsy pieces and it's scaring me way much. The things I have been doing remind me of things that Jackie did when she started. It all involves putting things where they don't belong. First of all, after coming back from the grocery and putting away the groceries, the very next day I realized that someone (me thinking it was Dan) had left a grocery bag full of yogurts in the pantry. I never thought it was me who would do that because Dan is always putting things away in the bags - like the cat food bag full in the cupboard. Then not long after that Sarah and Paul were over and we were playing cards and Dan asked where the pretzels were. I had just put a bunch of groceries away - ones that he had shopped for. I kept insisting that I had not seen pretzel and that I would remember if I had seen them. I went to the frig to get something and, lo and behold, there was a bag of pretzels! Of course, I still haven't lived that one down. Last night Dan came in the living room and asked if there was a reason I put the bag of spinach in the pantry! Of course, I said, YES, there was a reason and left it at that! There are other instances but I can remember them. (Yikes again.) I burned the mashed potatoes because I forgot to turn the stove off and went off into my lalalala world to do something and realized it when this funky burnt potato smell went wafting throughout the house.

Jackie used to put the eggs away under the sink, put her hair curlers in a plastic dish in the frig, wrap her false teeth in a sock and put them in her dresser drawer (be careful sisters), etc., etc., etc.

Scary stuff.

Dan and went to get our hairs cut together - at the same time - it was fun and it was cute. I'm sure when we left the little girls who work there said "Ain't they cute together." We also went to Virginia's to check on things and feed the wild cats of the neighborhood just like Virginia. Ain't we cute?!

Dan is making cookies, I'm on the computer and life is doing just fine. I do worry about my brain. I think I'll Google brain excercises when I'm finished here.

By the way, yesterday I ran into an old high school friend and I couldn't believe how old and worn out she looked. Again, scary stuff.

I will soon be 62. I really don't like getting older - makes me realize that before long I'll have to quit acting so stupid - no more drinking too much and dancing and acting silly, right?! Belting out the Rolling Stones songs at work - with my headphones on - just doesn't seem like the thing a 62 year old should do. One the executives told me she was going to be 50 next week and was lamenting about that and I said I was going to be 62 and I felt this little voice telling me I shouldn't tell people how OLD I am getting - especially at work - especially at a company where everyone looks like they are 12 and the cafeteria is like walking into a high school cafeteria anywhere. They may have to fire me. Of course, I will sue them.

Ok, getting a little crazy here so I think I'll go do something more senior, like making banana bread.

I love you girls! Wish we hang out when I'm feeling weird like this. Dan certainly has no idea how to handle me or what to say or what to think. He's probably just thinking..... ok, if I just ignore her, don't make eye contact, she'll be back to normal soon. Ha!

Love and kisses.
The Searcher

Good Stuff

I went to Jim and Chrissy's the other night to hang out while they went to a PT conference. It was so much fun. I got there just as the best pizza ever was being served up, so I jumped right in.

Ally and Maddy seemed so glad to see me I almost cried. I told them we were going to make secret cookies as soon as Jim and Chrissy left. They just kept hanging around until we finally told them they better get the heck going because as they were going to be late. As soon as the back door closed, we kicked into action. We made a mess and had a great time doing it.

It was just what I needed, just when I needed it, and these are the moments burned into my big ol heart.

Jim and Chrissy redid their poor dilapidated cabinets when I had the girls overnight a couple weekends ago. I guess it started out with Chrissy and Amanda (cousin in law?) painting the upper cabinets. Kevin, Chrissy's cousin and Amanda's hubbby and childhood friend of Ben and Jim', said they had some cabinets in their garage not being used. So that turned into a monstrous project of them tearing out the whole lower cabinet unit, new plumbing and electricity, and overall a great big stressful, headachey time on Signal Drive. Chrissy did not think they would make it. But it turned out beautiful! I am so proud of them.

Not much else going on here. Feeling pretty good, sleeping crazy hours, working on little quilts.

Don't get much better than that.

Not Once But Twice

Warning - This is a long long long rare glimpse in a rare moment in my life. It has some negative thoughts and feelings that I just normally do not entertain. I guess it shows me that I am not always the positive upbeat simple minded person I think I am.

I fell in the driveway this morning. To my defense, it was covered in black ice before I knew it.

The honeymoon is over. I guess this is to be expected under the circumstances. I think Bob and I had just about enough of each other's lovely close company last night. I have been so conscious of making the smallest of footprints in our tiny little house while we have been cooped up. It appeared to me that I might be getting on his nerves just the tiniest bit. Which is disturbing because I am trying so hard to not be annoying. Which could be a problem in itself.

Anyhow, being the independent person I am, I decided that I would make my office run last night instead of Bob schlepping me around. I had not driven in several days and I needed to get out and do what I wanted to do and have some alone time at the office perhaps drive through Starbucks for some a grande hot chocolate. When I suggested I would do that, I slipped up and asked for his opinion (which I clearly did not want). He asked me if I was a member of AAA. What the heck does that mean? Don't call me if you get in a pickle? Does he not know that I don't have AAA? I stared at him trying to find the meaning behind that. He said he thought it wasn't a good idea and that he would take me. So, being the passive aggressive person that I know I am, I said fuck that and I went in the other room and busied myself on the computer and got quite a bit of work done. Anger adrenoline is the best thing that can happen to me sometimes. I had already made up my mind that I would get up early like I normally do and make my office run while he snores away.

So I went out there at 5:30 this morning and took the shovel to make a path so my car would not make tire marks on the stupid little bit of snow that Bob would have to scrape up. (He is obsessed with having only black show on the driveway.) Ugh. Three steps out there and I was on my ass. I could not get up. I found that I still have the muscle weakness in the upper legs and I could not push myself up. I crawled back into the garage and managed to roll around and grab this and that and get myself upright. Okay, now I know what I am dealing with.

I go back out there very gingerly shoveling that stupid path to the end of the stupid driveway. At the end of the driveway, I got carried away and forgot to maintain my balance. Down I went again and I had to CRAWL all the way back to the garage and to the step into the laundry room and roll around again and get myself upright. By that time I was crying in frustration and futality. But I decided that I would not stinking drive to the stinking office this stinking morning. But I had to go so I went in there and got his ass out of bed to take me. Can you tell emotions are building here?

Throughout the day, I kept to myself mostly and we had breakfast and small superficial conversations about this and that. But I would pick up on body language and facial twitches. Maybe I look too hard and make things up in my head. I am so sensitive to peoples facial twitches and body language. Ugh again on that. So, later I decided I would get the heck out of the house, being an adult and all and skip anyone else's opinion. I had several stops to make and had loaded up a bag with all the stuff I needed to take care of. I asked Bob to put it in my car because it was kind of heavy and I wanted to conserve my energy. He jokingly rolled his eyes and said he would think about it. I took this lighthearted moment to blow up. I told him I was about to blow up and that I had a lot of things to rethink. I had to rethink my treatment plan, I had to rethink how I am living my life, I had to rethink what the heck we are doing here, I had to rethink of why the heck I keep getting another chance and jerking people around with each relapse, and was it all worth it. Where the heck did that come from???

I think it was the log that hit him in the head. He gave me a hug and when I got back home, he seemed in a more positive mood. He has been fine since. Me, I am still pondering what it is all about.

Pandora called me yesterday to tell me that they were crafting and making collages and would I like to come over. Duh! My first thought was to go get Ally and Maddy and go to Ben's for a big collage session. Then reality set in. I was typing, it was snowing, and I could not see myself getting up those outside steps at Ben's and then have to go up the inside steps also. I have become our mother. I make the same decisions looking at steps. We have a big ol piece of 6X6 timber by the back step as a transition for me to get into the house. I have been hung up there a few times before we came up with that one. So, that put me in a funk. The only people who seem to enjoy my company these days are not available to me.

So my thought pattern of the day was, why am I here? My kids don't need me. After 40 years and a snow storm, Bob and I have finally run out of meaningful things to say. My sisters all have exciting and fulfilling lives, and the little people who are always happy to see me and hang out with me and don't have expectations of me are somewhere out there in castles with big steps and a moat.

This story has a happy ending. Ben and Chrissy came over with Pandora, Winter, Autumn and Sammy and we had pizza and a lot of fun. It filled me up and I think it filled Bob up. Things are back to normal around here. The roads are easily traveled now and I am back to being mobile. I think I am going to Jim and Chrissy's tomorrow to watch Ally and Maddy and craft while they go to a PT Conference for Ally.

Maybe under the trying circumstances of being holed up in whatever dwelling a person is being holed up in during a snow storm, the same kind of emotions and feelings of isolation and confinement are playing out. Maybe not for you, Susie, you are still in the young stages of love and have big plans for the future, but I bet Lori knows what I speak of here. LOL! Liz, your relationship with Dan seems pretty lighthearted yet strong, so maybe this is disturbing to hear from me. Now, looking back I think it was pretty mild. We didn't lash out or name call or any other negative domestic situation. It is just little irritations I guess.

I am looking forward to spring and getting out in the yard and garden. By then, the side effects of the radiation and sterroids will be a faint memory. We have another yard project we are planning with Bob's new grill and we are planning the garden.

Life is good.

Lack of Accomplishment Theory

I believe....the computer is the villain, at least mine, in getting more accomplished. Really. Have any of you sat down at the computer thinking you were going to perform some small task and nearly an hour later you are still trying to figure out why you can't get it done because you have to do this or that? Perhaps you are all more savvy than I am. Like this blog. I thought I would register to get my blogs on my Iphone and be able to post on it if I wanted. After doing this and that here I had spent 15-20 minutes messing with that and trying to figure out a password I would be able to remember. I had used up all the ones I might remember. Oh yes, I do write them down in a notebook by the computer that anyone could look up, but think about it who, I ask you, who would even want to read something a 68 year old woman would be writing. It certainly wouldn't be anything someone would want to know. If the person was under 20 they would be grossed out thinking there could be anything kinky or interesting in a blog to her sisters. Here I go again rambling.



I am so glad we have this blog going again for a bit. And like you said Diane...no guilt when we don't post. Just post when the urge becomes so overwhelming we drop everything and run to the computer to share profound or non-profound thoughts. If you have read thus far you know my thoughts will be in the latter.



I had thought of whining a bit about how cold it is here, but after checking out your 4 degrees this morning in my mind I could hear your chorus of "you don't know what cold is!" when I said it was only 29 degrees here this morning. Am I right? I guess everything is relative - ha ha - get it??



Lordy be, I am a strange senior citizen dangerously writing nonsensical thoughts that could be used against me in the commitment process. There are people in the nursing home I visit younger than me and honestly they seem perfectly normal. And I never see their husbands after they have put them there. What do you think?



Ok, ok...I will try to at least make a few comments on your musings without getting too crazy and silly. I sure wish we could get together for a real silly sister session. Next time we do get together I am going to bring my little recorder so I will be able to record it and then when I need a good laugh I will listen to it. Do you think the 3 of us plus Diane could have a reunion in that cute little place we went to? That was adorable. I think Diane and Bob have already been there because I remember seeing their picture.

So...thanks for posting the pictures of the quilt. I loved seeing Bob pinning the quilt. Diane, you definitely have a sweetie. And to get up at 3:30 and make you breakfast just makes me cry it is so sweet. It is nearly 8:30 and my sweet Earl is still having sweet dreams.

I certainly don't want to be on steroids, but I would like to have some of the energy it creates. I have been extremely lazy and unproductive lately. Today I have promised myself I will stay home the whole day and work from the long list of things I have made that need to be done. Maybe I will post tonight or tomorrow and bore you stiff telling you of my great accomplishments. Like that will happen.

It was good to have our short say nothing chat last night Lizzie. Neither of us seemed to be very jazzed up about anything. I was in a stupor from my lack of doing nothing all day except laze around watching TV with Earl. Things like Man V Food and political stuff till I thought I would scream. I did rest my eyes from time to time so I couldn't tell you exactly what it was we were watching.

Liz, I imagine you are about tired of all the Virginia stuff. When we receive our millions let's take a trip somewhere for some adventure. Maybe by that time you will have your boat at Beaufort Susie and we can go up and down the coast visiting all the quaint coastal towns.

I am rooting for Beaufort, Susie, but I think you should consider Slocum Creek in Havelock. Then you would be really close. Think about it. Actually, I think a boat as a second home sounds great. I know a young couple that used to live here and bought a large sailboat and are living in Maryland at a marina. They love it.

Well, honestly I didn't mean to go on and on forever, but you know me...once I get started I just don't know when to stop. It shows up in all areas of my life, except the really important ones. I was going to tell you some about my adventures at the Tryon Palace, but I hear Earl stirring and he will want to take control of the computer once he is up. I might even make him a wonderful breakfast - or this late would you call it brunch.

I love you all...thanks for hanging in there and reading all these words.

Lori

Winter Days

Well, finally I think the power will stay on long enough to catch up on here. Our power has been off and on here since Friday. It's mainly been on but just alot of flickers. Just when I would start something the power would shut down. ok... restart computer... upload pics (maybe two or three would post) power down... restart computer... yadayadayada. Very frustrating! So went to the lake Saturday and spent the night. It is so pretty with all the snow.

I have managed to read the blogs and emails though. Thanks for getting this going again Lori!

Ok... here is a secret... Randy and I are trying to plan retirement. We have been talking about selling one of the houses and lots of stuff to buy a boat as a second home. Sorta crazy, huh? Well, I checked out prices from the Gulf coast in Florida and all up the Atlantic coast for places to dock and the #1 spot (as far as price and location) so far is Beaufort! So... our next get-away will probably be NC to check things out. This is something Randy has always wanted to do and it sounds very adventurous to me too. As long as we have a place to come home to. The only problem we have is to figure out "what about Rick". Hmmm. Maybe Liz could be a foster for him. Oh, that's bad...just kidding.

Not a whole lot else going on here, getting ready for our next wintery blast... ready for fair weather again. I am sooo out of shape and lazy!

Keep the blogs a-coming!

I love you sisters!

Narcotic Quilting

First off, I was so glad to see your post, Liz. Sounds like you are so busy. Please please please let me know if I can help. I can do it. Really.

I am loving the snow for the weekend because I don't want to go anywhere and it is a great excuse to stay home and do whatever I want. Which is sewing. I just haven't done a lot of it. I am going in there now to work a little on this little beauty. Really, my seams do not match up. I want to blame the Vicodin but I never can get precision seams. I don't want Lori to look too closely because her seams are impeccible. I am a free spirit seamstress.

Bob got up the other day at 3:00 a.m. and shoveled the driveway some more. He started going out every so often just to clear it off and not let it pile up. Well, now his schedule is goofed up. It is more like mine. I usually get up between 3:00 and 4:00 a.m. every morining and do quiet stuff. I love that time of day. I usually make my office run, Starbucks, sometimes sneak to Jolly Pirate, come home and type and administrate. Then about 9:00 a.m. I take a nap. Then I try to get into stuff but sometimes I am foggy.

Today Bob got up about 3:30 a.m. and made me a little breakfast. How nice is that. He is a sweetie. We are getting cabin fever though.

Here he is helping me pin the quilt top. I need to maybe add this image to the quilt before I give it to Ally. I think I will do this for each granddaughter.

Liz, that is a good idea about carrying my camera around. I don't know why I didn't whip out my iPhone and take a pic of that nice man helping me up. Maybe we could have waited for another stranger to come along and take the pic. It would make a great documentary. lol

In the end, the humiliation lasted about as long as any of my other fleeting thoughts. I have absolutely no dignity left and that is a great place to be in life.

Confusion

I don't know why my post didn't end up after Lori's but, for some reason it did. So you 'll have to scroll down a little to read my nonsense blabberings.

Grrrr

Sometimes Google makes me soooooo angry - and on top of losing another Scrabble Game tonight. I am definitely going to bed in a few minues. I WILL NOT play another game, even if the opponent is from an exotic land of somewhere. I can't think of any exotic place right now.

Well Diane, the gist of my first - and much more polite comment - was I was glad to see your post and was sorry about the legs and their uncooperation to step up. I don't know why, but I just heard Bob's voice in my head telling Baby Bird "step up". Somehow it didn't go with the mental picture of you being helped up after collapsing on the ground. At any rate I hope the shrinkage will happen quickly and get those legs moving properly. I know how embarrassing it is to be picked up off the ground by strangers. I imagine Liz does too. Do you stumble around too Susie?

I can't think of anything I want to say right now so I am not sure why I am still sitting here pecking away. I need to get up early and go go go again tomorrow.

I hope you sisters in the cold midwest don't get too much snow. Chatted with Gordon and he said 3-6 inches is expected. If this nasty weather ever slows down I am ready for a trip to Ohio. In the meantime I think you should consider coming here, but I can't guarantee much warmer.

Hello Hello

I think about posting a little something every day. And then something comes up. Thanks to Lori for her late night rambling thoughts. It so reminds me of some of my own thoughts.

When I have a lucid moment I find myself playing Word Solitaire and getting better and better at it. So I still have some brain cells left. But mainly I use up my energy in the wee hours of the morning typing and administrating while I am "fresh." Then I look in at the sewing room at Ally's quilt top that is ready to actually quilt and bind. I am so looking forward to that. Progress has slowed down a bit on that.

I have been having some negative side effects of the sterroids now. In the beginning it was great to be able to pick up my feet and move on. Then the pain in the knees hit and down I sat. Then the vicodin helped immensly and up I went. Then the big muscle weakness in my legs hit and down I went. I cannot lift my foot up over a nonstandard curb or step without a rail. I did not realize this a couple days ago when I went to the post office and stepped up the curb but coul not pull my 200 pound body up and down I went. I could not get up. There was nothing to hold on to. A burly guy came along and pulled me up. I was humiliated. I could not help him. It reminded me of Mom. When she would look at a step or a curb or a bump, she knew she would not be able to maneuver it. Now I know that I have to take the low path. I have become a public nuisance.

I had a check up yesterday and we are stepping down the sterroids to see where I actually am in the process of even needing them any more. I cannot just quit them so it will take a couple weeks or so to get off them. According to the docs, the inflamation from the radiation should be reducing and so should the pressure on the nerves in my feet. We shall see.

The chemo treatment was not terrible. The first ten days were fine with no real side effects except fatigue. I can deal with that and work around it. Then the last day all hell broke loose with some very unpleasant side effects. So we are tweaking the dose on that too. Actually I can deal with those side effects better than the sterroid ones. Anyway, I am really doing okay and still getting a lot done around here and feeling useful except when I make strangers drag my fat butt off the curb.

Let's see, the good stuff. When I got home from the doc around 6:00 last night, Ben and the girls had just got here with pizza and we had a great time. Pandora made some valentines for her classmates at Enrighment and Winter made some for me and Maryanne and her teacher. They are very very creative little girls.

I think Bob is going down south this weekend for the Super Bowl. I don't even know who is playing. Whenever a hint of sports talk comes on the radio while I am in the car I switch the channel so fast I might break the knob off my radio. I hate to hear them get all excited about any stupid sport. I don't know where this intolerance came from. But then I forget and turn it back and there that one dimensional guy is telling me about the bluejackets or comets or some other team that means nothing to me. I did not realize I was so narrow minded in this area.

Well, I need to make an office run so I am going to hit the road.

This has been not so exciting with health notes and boring details. I hope this is just a warm up and exciting and fun things will be ahead.

Remember, this is a no guilt blog. Come play if and when you can. It is all good and we all come from the same loving heart.

Who is Out There???

I am not sure why I am posting to this blog, except for myself. What has happened to our sisters blog? Nothing. I too am to blame for that and right now - like in the last blog date when I wrote I should have been in bed. But....that compulsive Hope gene has kept me up playing Scrabble - and losing game after game with rotten letters. They really have been rotten....all vowels or all consonants and no premium letters to speak of. It has sort or been like going to Scito Downs and picking all the wrong horses or being in Reno and sitting down at the wrong slot machine. I have to admit losing at Scrabble is less expensive. The only thing I am losing is sleep and self confidence. I wish I didn't have to go to sleep and then I could play Scrabble all night. I wonder how many games I could lose in a row. I hope you don't mind, but I am not going to make paragraphs. This is just going to be a run on of words and silly thoughts, but then what does it matter if no one reads this. I think I am going to check it 3 times a day and see if anyone ever reads it. How childish of me, but that is what I am turning into - a childish, wrinkled up piece of flesh and blubber. Not only have I been losing at Scrabble I have been losing at Mah Jongg. I lost 37 cents yesterday and last week a dollar something. Seems like the only thing I have not been losing is pounds. Oh nooooo...they never go away and I am sick of my thong jeans chafing my butt. Sorry, didn't mean to give you that mental picture. I can't seem to keep from eating all the high caloric foods. Right now I am eating a York Peppermint Pattie.....mmmmm good. I bet I could eat the whole bag of those miniature patties in 5 minutes. Wonder if they have York Pattie eating contests like they have for hot dog eaters. Bet I would give someone a run for their money. Maybe but probably not while I am on my losing streak. Some other things I have lost lately are the church key that I was supposed to be responsible for, a denim skirt (was almost late for Church this morning looking for it and probably gave it to the Goodwill because my fleshy protrubing belly broke the zipper the last time I tried to wear it and didn't remember because I just remembered I am losing my mind too. I don't think I should have started rambling on about this because now I am getting depressed and will have to have some extra sessions with Dr. Pat. Speaking of my mind I am listening to an audio recording called Think Smart.....what a joke. I thought I could learn some magic formula to keep things in order in my noodle, but what I have learned so far is I am killing many brain cells each day with the foods I eat. Geeez. I know I should eat more fish, but I don't like it and I should eat more green veggies. Are you all as sick as I am about hearing about "green" this and that? Oh yeah, I was talking about thinking smart, wasn't I?

I think this should be it for my rambling tonight. I can't think smart and most of the York patties are gone so I am going to try to get to sleep before midnight. I am going to some training at the Tryon Palace tomorrow from 9:30 - noon. and would like at least 6 hours sleep.

If anyone reads this nonsense please respond soon. I need to hear from you all. If you don't I am going to start calling you at 11:30 at night instead of blogging. Wouldn't you just love that?

I am not going to check the spelling or grammer so live with it. I do love you all tremendously and hope you will come visit me in the home when Earl puts me there.