Hey sisters - I've been kind of down for a few days. Jackie, my friend with the cancer has had a major set back. Seems when she was going to her prior doc, they misread the results of her last tests and didn't seem to think there was much change and also said her cancer was estrogen fed - which, in fact, it is not. Dr. Shapiro and the pathologist at the James discovered this after their initial testing and he (Shapiro) was out of town at some sort of conference so he delivered the bad news by telephone - she has stage 4 and the treatment needs to be agressive. I had lunch with her yesterday and she is just so conflicted by everything. She was going today for all those tests/scans - liver, lungs, bones, etc. She has strong faith and is pretty upbeat usually. She asked me, Diane, what makes you not give up and do you ever feel helpless and lost in all this. I really urged her to email you so you could share. I told her you have a special strength and determination and that I'm sure it's not always so easy. I shared with her about treating this as an ongoing condition and one that she will and can deal with the rest of her life. She just seemed so fragile and afraid that it broke my heart.
Speaking of broken hearts, yesterday was Aiden's birthday and I was so saddened by the fact that Sarah doesn't have custody of him, that we were not doing a big celebration on the actual day and that there is not much I can do about it. I look at the Flickr pics and see the kids and grandkids and all the family stuff and, although I am so happy for you all and pleased that you have that, I have to figure out how to make this situation of ours fit/feel better for me. In the meantime, Sarah doesn't get a job, doesn't seem to work at making things better so she can spend more time with Aiden - have a car to visit with him more. Last weekend when she had him just overnight I thought for sure she would bring him over but when I called they were getting ready to go out to dinner with Paul's mom and dad. I tried so hard not to show my hurt but could hardly carry on the conversation because I was crying like a baby. I should know very well that this is what it is - tears, hurt feelings, wishing - none of it can change things. I'm a big girl and I should just darn understand that. Thanks for letting me vent on this one - like you've never heard it before.
It seems to hard of a transition to go into newsy silly things so I'll save that for tomorrow's blog.
I love you Sisters!
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Oh, Lizzie, I am so sorry for your sadness and hurt. I wish I could hug you and let you put your head on my shoulder and just cry it all out. I know it wouldn't change any of the situations but I so wish there was some way I could comfort you in your sadness. You are so special giving your friend encouragement by way of Diane's example of courage and spending time with her. Be faithful in knowing you do and have done all you can for Sarah in ways of guidance. The rest is up to her. I love you.
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