Looks like Liz broke the silence and woke up the sleeping blog.
I will not entertain the words "give up." However, when does one make the decision to "let go"? What does that really mean? A better chance for more quality of life?
I have not lost optimism as it seems I could go on for months or even years as nobody knows for certain. This chemo cloud I exist in now is not working for me. Yet to not continue treatments frays at the edges of my mind to suggest one more effort.
I do not mean to be dramatic or morbid. What else to do with these questions? They need to be asked and not swept under the rug even though there is no clear answer.
At this moment my resolve is in question. These words seem meaningless.
I love you all and wish you well.
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I really know how to shut things down. lol
ReplyDeleteHaHaHa! I just got in and have to go meet Sarah and her MIL to look at baby cribs. I wanted to cancel but, NOOOOOOO.... no one else wanted to. I'm usually the party pooper so i'm trying to 'buck up, get my big girl panties (boots) on and head out the door.
ReplyDeleteHonestly I like this post of yours. I read it at work and I've been thinking about the words 'resolve' and 'optimism' and no way can I link them with 'morbid' and 'dramatic.' You are good at processing info, being in charge of your treatment, understanding it. It would be difficult to decide to not do anything. Because of the unknown, I suppose? I wish I could figure it out - wish we had a crystal ball. I want to be open and always listening to you. I'm always afraid to offer advice - not that I have any brilliant ideas, mainly because I know it is you who has to decide what to do. I'm babbling. I want to say some words that give you encouragement, but I stumble. I'm here for you Sister - such a shallow thing to say-but I mean it in every sense of the word.
I'll be in your area Saturday so I'll be making the JP drop!
Love and hugs.
The Searcher
Sometimes I had wished someone would just tell me what to do or make an important decision for me, but when it came right down to it, I knew only I could do that. I know that it can also be quite perplexing and sometimes disturbing. I wish I had all the answers for you...
ReplyDeleteJust know that no matter what, you have alot of love and support coming your way.
You are the srtongest person I've ever known and I love you.
I was gone most of the day and read your post after supper. I have been thinking about just how to respond. What is the right way to respond? My two sisters again in beautiful words said pretty much what I have been thinking.
ReplyDeleteYou are very wise and always think things through thoroughly so whatever you decide to do will be the right decision for you. If you decide not to continue with the chemo treatments we will support you and your decision and if you decide to go for another round of chemo we will support and cheer you on. I say "we" because I know Liz and Susie want only what you feel is best for you.
Thank you for your thoughtful and honest post. I wish I was able to articulate words and phrases to express what is in my heart. You truly are a constant inspiration for me and anyone who knows you and your journey through cancer and the treatment process. You continue to touch so many lives.
I love you.