Yikes - how old am I anyway?? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-28jAoTPFw

Hope you have a wonderful day!
Love ya girlie

Only A PaperMoon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gapCK5_rMuY

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.

Carl Sagan

My face floats above my shoulders like a full moon. I am ghoulish, fat and frightening to some children and probably a few unsuspecting adults.

This post took a turn and in some way I thought it would all blend together. I intended to write a funny little ditty to express my humorous view of my own situation until I got a heart wrenching email from a loved one after a call she received from a family member that left her feeling down and defeated. Sorry for the secrecy. I feel I may have said too much of this private matter already.

People are fragile things. Their hearts break, spirits are crushed. You think they are tough and edgy and prickly yet when they let you see behind that fragile crumpled parchment exterior it rips at your heart. They are delicate and vulnerable.

This is not about me but one of my lovelies who has had a tough time but has kept a stiff upper lip and haughty to hell with it attitude going.

I think things are going to be okay but it opened my eyes to what a facade a person can put on to get through the day. I knew this already but sometimes the epiphany hits hard.
We are all fragile and susceptible to shreds, tatters, hurt and self loathing. I guess that makes us human. I guess that makes us strong.

My New Grand Chickies

Ben hid these baby hens at our house for a few days untill he could sneak them home for Christmas morning. For some reason I had an unreasnable desire to keep them. I fell in love with them.

We kept them in the computer room where I could come and go and talk to them and listen to their beautiful soft little peeps.

They are silkie and soft and oh so fuzzy. The most beautiful blue I have ever seen. I guess eventually they grow up a little bigger but not like Foghorn Leghorn.

Ayhow, I really wanted to keep them and told Ben to go buy some more for Winter. He has been reasearcing and looking for months to get just two chicks. Oh well. He told me I would have to break it to Winter. Not a problem, she would get over it. She didn't even know she was getting them anyway. That was her big request to Santa though. And we all want fesh eggs. But honestly kids don't get everything they want, right?

When push came to shove, Maw Maw came through. I think I was kidding about all of the above, but I am not really sure.

Now looking at Winter's sweet happy face with the big toothy grin, I guess I did the right thing.

Happy Birthday Dad

I think mom and dad are probably having "highballs" and getting silly about right now!

Happy Birthday Dad!

I'll leave it up to one of your girlies to add a picture! I've got a mess - can't find a thing at the moment.
It's hard to believe how long it's been since Dad passed. I know if was before Sarah was born (1982) and it was in May but I'm pretty bad about dates.
I just wonder what he would think of us all now?
I wonder if him and Mom are hanging out today - him in his 2-pocket white shirt and Mom in her uniform trying to get Christmas ready - maybe for a bunch of jokeys?!
We're having an interesting mix of guests for dinner this evening; Sarah, Paul, Aiden; Pat and Connie; Buddy Bayes; and my friend Darlene (from work). Hmmmmmmmmmmmm - One Big Happy!
Sending hugs and kisses your way!
The Searcher

Belly Button Blues http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5uujMb_hbo

I had the worst time with the link - you'll probably have to cut and paste in your browser. I guarantee you'll LOVE it!

Hi Sisters - After we had our little get together the other day I can't seem to get the belly button conversaton out of my head.
Lori, do you know why in the world Mom had her belly button removed?
Do you know Susie no longer has a belly button?
The last time I checked - just a short while ago - I still had mine.
Diane - ?
Lori - ?

What do you girls think and how do you like this jingle?
I love you girls so much - with or without your belly buttons.

Somewhere Over The Rainbow

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uGXEJsF1Zo

Am I Doing Enough?

In the worst way I want to walk. I think about it often and it occurs to me that I am not doing enough or pushing myself beyond my comfort limit.

I am not pleased with the everlasting tedium of being held captive to this metal contraption nor to being dependent on others to reach for things either just out of the grasp of my fingertips or ridiculously beyond my reach.

And I miss real sqishy hugs without the awkward bendy ouchy where the heck do I put my arm maneuvers being performed with the grace of, well, someone like me.

What more can I do?

Is what is going on in my brain totally preventing my mobility or could I overcome some of those effects?

Well it certainly would not hurt to try an experiment to see what happens. I would like to go out hand in hand with Bob this spring to help plant the best salsa and veggie soup garden we have ever had. Strange as it may sound, I missed the weeding, digging and mowing.

I think the best time to start such an experiment would be now. Why wait for a constricingt box on the calendar to mark a Fresh Start or to conveniently provide a built in procrastination gimmick?

Wish me well.

One More for the Shoe

A while back Pandora was over. She discovered the Blue Shoe. I saw a sparkle in her eyes and I told her that there was more than one. She shyly asked if she could have one. As she does not ask for things, I felt a little sad about telling her it was not mine to give away. I do not really know how she felt about Maw Maw refusing her request because she rarely gets that kind of answer around here. I knew Ben would not have wanted me to give it away if it wasn't mine to do so. Not like a popsycle request that never gets refused.

Anyway the sparkle in her eyes (not unlike Mom's) has been on my mind ever since. In the middle of last night an idea occurred to me that could make a connection between Pandora and Mom. I could give her one for Christmas. I will pay whoever purchased this humble knobby shoe if they let me.

I wrote a little story to go with it so Pandora could understand that connection. You see I think I do understand it now thanks to Susie's sincere post and all the backing and forthing and working out we have done on this blog. I see the good that comes out of our communication even if sometimes it is ouchy.

Here is the note to Pandora and this is where I don't want to goof it up. I honestly would appreciate your thoughts.

The Story of the Blue Shoe

When Grandma Hope was alive, there was a whimsical little game with the Blue Shoe. At that time here was only one special Blue Shoe and when it was spied at some one's house, it would be whisked away. One of the rules was that it had to be visible and not hidden so a person could actually swipe it.

This went on for years mostly with Grandma Hope and my sisters. The game has changed a bit over the years and now there seems to be extra Blue Shoes with a dash of mystery involved. Perhaps you will be instrumental in restoring some of the original magic into this tradition for generations to come.

You had at one time asked about the shoe. Now I would like you to have one and now that you know the connection with Grandma Hope, I hope it will be special for you.

Love you,
Maw Maw D

Dan's Darn Dilemma

Hi Sisters -

Catchy title, right? Cute picture, right?

Dan found out that beginning in January he will have no more unemployment. Even though the bill that everyone has been watching and talking about passed, it didn't incude people called "99ers" - i think because that's when they lost their jobs and there a ton of them. He knew it would come to an but really hope he could keep it for a while longer - trying to closer to 62 so he can do his social security.

For the guy who wants to take care of everyone, I think this is hitting him hard. sometimes I wish he would go out and get a job - some sort of job - but I most certainly agree that I would not want to be out there among all the unemployed - lots of them very young with much more to offer and STILL not getting jobs. I think he's afraid too to go knocking on doors. He has some money squirreled away for retirement but I hate to see him dipping into it just yet.

Now, I on the other hand, know that it will all work out. It does break my heart though seeing him in a bit of a panic.

I just realized that it's time to walk out the door for a birthday party - yikes, lost track of time. would love your take on all this and maybe, if anyone cares, I'll add a bit later.

Love you girls.

Searcher

Blue Shoes Make Me Blue

I was looking on Facebook this evening and I saw a cute Birthday picture of Winter with a big jar of pickles next to her. It made me feel good inside. I remembered her pawpaw said she loved pickles! Studying the photo, I noticed a blue shoe in the background and suddenly my mood turned to dispair. They are everywhere now!

Maybe one or some of my sisters think this is a funny joke, but I am very distraught at the thought of our silly little game being disrupted by imposters. It will never be the same for me.

I know, Diane you could care less and that's ok with me. Maybe I should have taken on your attitude toward the blue shoe, but I loved that shoe. Now it is lost amongst the fakes and it's future is gone forever.

I have been true blue to you blue shoe...

Crazy People

http://contact.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ShowAllQuestions&ShowASQAlways=1&frm=284&iid=150533136274&ssPageName=PageAskSellerQuestion_VI&redirect=0&requested=nebulousthread

People are indeed crazy.

I listed my beloved Janome embroidery machine on eBay. It is a wonderful machine. It has taken me over two months to gather all of the accessories and documentation, which I have been pretty meticulous about.

Angie took lovely pictures and I scanned all documentation, books, disks, etc.
I wrote the description as clearly and genuinely as I could. I have not seen a listing presented as thoroughly as I tried to do. lol

There are good questioners and I do like an opportunity to answer concerns. But don't you know I had my fair share of crackpots as far as I can tell. It boggles the mind, even mine.

I guess it is my turn to lose my cool and hop on thr magical ride in the Wambulance. LOL

They are crawling out of the woodwork. One just asked me (I just briefly read it) that since she will be in Mason, Ohio tomorrow, will I end the bidding early so she can give it as a Christmas gift. After all, she as made the most bids so far and she really wants it. Now who should I just give it to?

Portals

The mysterious portals we are presented with daily can confound us or intrigue us. Bob says it is a matter of perception. So true. We can choose how we react to good and bad news.

What keeps me going? Some days I wonder why I keep doing the things I do. Am I making sensible choices? Should I open that door and would a peek inside reveal brilliant illumination or would I be peering into a murky dark room full of doubt and second guesses?

After this week of fatigue I still feel I made the right decision to have this treatment. I go again on January 3. I feel good about this decision.

Even though I was worn out, I accomplished several things a day. That always helps to feel progress in the right direction.

Again I find myself wondering why I put the fleeting thoughts of my feeble narcotic infested brain out there to cause people to scratch their own heads and wonder about me. Maybe I am narcissistic.

What is Wrong with People

Earl just read something to me from the newspaper that said someone set fire to the outside mailboxes at the Post Office in Havelock, Newport and Morehead City last night and the fire department had to come and put them out. And...guess who mailed my water bill and AT&T bill yesterday morning in the outside box that was set on fire? Things haven't been going very smoothly for me the past few days. I am not really whining - just stating the facts maam. The article said to contact the post office to see whether our mail was burned up or not.

Then there is the issue with my new iPhone 4 that I have spent about 2 hours or more the past few days trying to determine why the phone part is not working correctly. I think it is resolved, but it is terribly frustrating dealing with tech people and having to give the same info over and over. I even know my serial number by heart now. Guess that is what you have to deal with if you love gadgets.

Do you have enough snow yet? When I spoke to Gordon last night he said it was snowing and a good bit and expecting more. It is rather cold here for us, but no snow. It is supposed to be 16 degrees tonight with some howling winds. I know, I know...that is nothing compared to what you have.

Saturday night was the first night of Candlelight at the Tryon Palace. This year I was in Barney's Coffee House where we served hot cider, coffee and ginger snaps. Well, it rained from 5-9 and we were all soggy - especially the gingersnaps. It amazed me so many people come out for the festivities when it is raining so hard. Of course a lot of it is indoors, but still walking from one place to another people could get really wet.

I received a Christmas card from our cousin Barbara. An excerpt from her short message "The most surprising thing was to find out Virginia Whitesell passed and we are her heirs. How is your family? We are fine. Bill and his wife Gina both lost their jobs in the last couple months." That was it. Every year she always tells me something bad that happened to her or their family. A big difference than the 2 page Christmas letter with all the wonderful accomplishments of one of our friends that moved away. It goes on ad nauseam of their travels, children's awards and accomplishments and wonderful sights they have seen. Am I callous? Maybe...but not impressed or jealous. Honest...lol

I should be addressing Christmas cards. If you don't get one from me please do not be offended. I am only sending cards to the friends of Earl's he wanted me to send to.

So little of interesting things in this post. See that is why I haven't posted more. I love you sisters and wish I could be there with all of you.

Keep On The Sunny Side

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIcb9xWnr8s

How things can turn sour. And sweeten back up.

Yesterday I mentioned I would like a donut. Bob said it would not do me much good. Suddenly I fell sullen and found myself staring into the deepest ugliest pit full of pestilence and frightening beings and horrible sounds full of the stuff only Art Bell would have understood.

It was no longer about a donut. It was about choices or the lack thereof. I realized that I have few choices that am in control of.

It did not seem right that someone I know could decide to stop at Wendy's or Fritches or Bob Evans or lord forbid White Castle and CHOOSE from any item on the menu.

Now what I've been through this week played a big part in how I reacted to all of this.
Today I woke back up in my comfy little place and realized that indeed I do have plenty of choices. I simply wrote donut on the grocery list and I will see what happens. Will there be a nice fresh glazed donut or a passive aggressive chocolate or maple? Ugh

Don't worry about me. I am over it and back in my happy place.
I am listening to Chronicals of Narnia. OMG, so good.

Update: He went from Stringtown Road to the Old World Bakkery to get me a bismark. They only had chocolate. He did it out of love not malice. He got three. Lol

Happy Susie Day

I know it's not your birthday (yet) or any other memorable date but I've been thinking about you and what you have been through lately. I've also been thinking of you and how you are free from those terrible cigarettes and how that is something to really celebrate. I bet you thought you'd never completely kick them, did you? You may have had that hospital stay for the final nudge but it is a wonderful thing that you are no longer addicted!!!! Yippeee for Susie! I hope you are feeling stronger, better, sexier, peppier and really groovey! Love you, baby sister - and, as usual, my other wonderful sisters!

Live and Let Live

Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep thoughts can be winnowed from deep nonsense.
Carl Sagan

I am often asked my religious preference by hospital staff. Typically I say I have none. I live by what I feel in my soul which I believe I have. I don't know what business it is to anyone who does not really know me.

I do believe in angels or some kind of etherial beings but they are not hooked up with heaven or god or whoever. Maybe they are ghosts. Maybe Mom is one of my angels. I am sure she is.

Lately I think I have decided that my religious preference is Live and Let Live, however, there is no checkbox for that. I will add my own. Oh well.

Still Kicking Butt

Shhh

I will tell you a secret. I found someone else. I still love Bob deeply and unpardonably.

Yet I find myself in a fantastical fun fest with Kylie, (who does not apologize for his girlie name) the technician who has no qualms about being silly and enjoying the moment. This is our second encounter and we picked up where we left off in July. Am I a silly ass joking cougar? Do not make it smarmy. There is none of that.

He kayaks and climbs trees and all sorts of stuff. He told me to tell Duane about Rattlesnake Creek somewhere down south. He is looking for a good German pizza which has kraut , sausage and corned beef on it. Eeew! ugh

He gave me an OSU scrub that didn't fit his chubby head. Too cute on me.

I have never encountered the likes of him and he may have this easy charm and wit for each of his charges. I hope so because that would only enhance the healing.

I don't know that every one would get him but he certainly does not try to be funny. I hope his wife loves and cherishes the good stuff he has.

Anyway, I am wiped out. Just want to sleep but I make myself do something productive each time I wake up. Like this. Don't know if it makes sense and I really cannot see to proof read. sorry

Gordon brought over yummy pot pie yesterday.

done

love you all

Great quote

Hello my sweet sisters! I heard this wonderful quote today and it reminded me so much of you, Diane. Here it is......"....she stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away - and it surely has not - she adjusted her sails..."
Thank you for your inspiriation, your optimism, your stubborness to be you and everything that is warm and fuzzy about you. I love you sweetie! And you other girlies, too, of course.

Ever Optimistic

I didn't realize the steroids had taken over until I downloaded this picture. Ugh

Like I've said, sometimes I have more enthusiasm and optimism than common sense.

Going to the hospital tomorrow feels like is the right thing to do. I did my research and it isn't scary to me, so I go in tomorrow at 7:30 am.

I did not dig in to what the side effects will be but I did not want to set myself up for that. I will deal with whatever comes along.

Not sure why I wrote this. Just to let you know what's on my mind I guess. I will try to keep you posted.

Whoever reads this, know I love you.

Maddy's Party

Maddy doesn't like people singing, but what are you going to do to get those candles blown out? Pandora blew from across the table like a laser beam and all was well.

Maddy must be one of the most animated and verbal three year olds I know. She is her own person without guile or apology.
How do children from the same family turn out to be so utterly different?

Last week Ally confided in me that she loves to hang out downstairs by herself. It is peaceful and quiet....And then The Beast comes down. LOL

Chrissy has decorated their house for the holidays in such a fun and festive spirit. I am so glad we went.

The rooms were cluttered with multiple conversations and lots of laughter. It is fun to see the interactions between Pandora, Winter, Ally and Maddy. I am glad I was there to soak it all in and breath in a renewed sense of purpose. It's all about family and renewal.

Every one of us is a fiddler on the roof, trying to scratch out a pleasant, simple tune without breaking his neck.”

Well, we watched Fiddler on the Roof tonight and it got me thinking about that fiddler and I wondered what the symbolism is. I must have missed the quote above in the movie. I love, love, love this classic. I really like the music, the TRADITION and all the characters. The song, Sunrise Sunset has always been a favorite and it makes me think about Sarah, Aiden, you guys and your kids.

It's late now so this is short.

Hope you'll all keep playing your simple pleasant tunes and continue balancing like the skilled and tough fiddlers that we all are!

I love you girls and miss you all.

The Fiddling Searcher